Belonging and difference

A probably apocryphal Quaker story tells of a visiting Friend arriving at a meeting house he had not been to before for worship on a Sunday. Finding it empty, he sat down and waited in silence. Eventually a local friend arrived who came straight up to the visitor and said, 'Friend, thee is sitting in my place'!

Many of us find difficulty in facing change. The way a meeting house is arranged and the way Quaker faith is expressed have both changed over time. There have always been those who find it difficult if not impossible to let go of what has gone before. In my local meeting I always sit in the same place and acknowledge that I find change difficult, but in spite of this there are ways in which I have changed.

I believe that in order to go forward we need to share our experience, to look at what is important to us and to be ready to share it with others - to give an account of the hope that is in us [I Peter 3:15] and in each individual. It may not be the same hope or it may be expressed in different words but we need to speak and listen rather than keep silent for fear of hurting or offending others.

The Bible quotation goes on to advise us to do this with 'gentleness and respect' and that is vital too. Telling our own truth and hearing other people's cannot happen if we denigrate others or dismiss their position as wrong. It can be painful to hear another view which makes it all the more necessary to hear it with love.

I have written before about the pain that being labelled can give. I have had difficulty in working through the feelings that experience raised in me but recently I found in a friend's [@bookgeekrelg] tweet a helpful Credo that I can use wholeheartedly for myself - and wish I could have used back then. 'I believe in God but probably not the God that you don't believe in'.

In true community we must try to balance acceptance and love with the need to find more people-like-us to be with and beware of turning away those we perceive as different, asking them to give up their seats if we feel that the comfortable way we always do things is threatened.

Wearing Labels

The Quaker meeting I am part of is a large one and it is difficult to get to know who everyone is . Our overseers have been asking us politely for some time to wear name labels to meeting and although I know this is a sensible idea I have been very resistant to it. Perhaps it is time to ask myself why.

Part of the reason lies in my last post. I am uncomfortable when asked to narrowly define myself. On that weekend, when it became obvious that I believe in God [actually I said that I know God], I was asked whether I am a deist or a theist. I have to confess that I did not understand the distinction but it appears that a theist is the more accurate description of my position. But I really don't want to wear that as a label.

On the other hand, as part of my work on spiritual autobiography, I always stress the equal importance of telling our own stories, our own truths as well as listening deeply to the stories and truths of others. To be consistent then perhaps I do have to wear some kind of label, or at least define how I self-identify myself. If I am comfortable with the way I identify myself then even if other people make the wrong assumptions about my label we have the beginning of a dialogue to pursue rather than continuing misunderstanding.

As I start to write my label I realise that it is going to have to be a large one in order to encompass the different ways in which I identify myself. I cannot say that I am different things at different times because all these labels are part of me. So I am Only Child, Mother, Granny, Partner, Friend, Worrier, Researcher, Historian, Writer, Quaker. Perhaps the Quaker label needs extending, although I am not entirely convinced of that. It could include Liberal, Conservative, Unprogrammed, Theist perhaps. Would that generate enough assumptions?

The process is a difficult one but I will attempt it. I may come back and extend my label further but as I start I will take the simple step of wearing a label to meeting on Sunday!